Wednesday Morning, 8AM – In the hectic 30 minutes that start every day at Whitlock, Jack tries to retrieve his massage chair from Whitlock’s intriguing payroll accountant, Lynette. Durbin and Helen prepare for the morning announcements, Michelle gives a eulogy, and Mary and Stef fix an art emergency.
Nuns – Jack is offended when he discovers a local church received a sizable bequest from his dead mother and used it to buy a Virgin Mary statue. In an attempt to get revenge, he ropes his students into helping him steal the statue. Meanwhile, Mary, Stef and Principal Durbin attempt to give the right advice to Michelle, who is having marital issues at home, but she ends up getting comfort from an unexpected source.
Happiness – With no archrival to combat, Jack sets his sights on a new mission: write the most brilliant philosophy book ever and get out of Toledo for good. Stef and Mary forget a special day for Michele. Helen forgets to order routine maintenance for the copier, causing mass hysteria at Whitlock.
Drenching Dallas – Jack takes interest in a revenge mission on behalf of the kids; Mary, Stef and Michelle believe they’ve discovered an otherworldly presence.
Walleye – Jack successfully convinces Miles that Devin is his illegitimate son. Durbin, Mary, Stef and Michelle clash on the Sadie Hawkins dance theme.
Eight Pigs and a Rat – When one of Jack’s students anonymously reports him for canceling their much anticipated fetal pig dissection, he sets out to find the snitch. Durbin’s chances at Principal of the Year are in jeopardy when the superintendent visits.
Durbin Crashes – When Jack casually gives Durbin some marriage advice, it backfires, gets Durbin kicked out of the house, and Jack takes him in. The A.P. Bio kids tell Jack if they can get Miles’ DNA, they’ll learn a little biology while pulling off the ultimate revenge.
Rosemary’s Boyfriend – Jack is incensed when his dead mom’s former lover shows up and suggests they commemorate her birthday. Jack taps his students to help him retaliate, but the students’ hands are already full of crying robot babies.
We Don’t Party – Jack finds out his ex girlfriend Meredith needs a venue for a charity fundraiser and has the perfect place: his student Victor’s house. Victor and the other kids are inspired by Jack to party for the first time.
Selling Out – Jack receives an offer from Miles’ publisher to write a book of feel-good philosophy that could be his ticket out of Toledo. Durbin accidentally sets off an emotional firestorm when he reveals that while Stef chose Mary as her emergency contact, Mary chose Michelle.